Christmas Trees, Dates and Women

• A Christmas tree is ready when you go to pick it up.
• A Christmas tree won't retaliate if you dump it after a month.
• You don't need a clever line to pick up a Christmas tree.
• You can fondle a tree before you take it home.
• A Christmas tree doesn't mind you looking under it.
• A Christmas tree doesn't become envious around bigger trees. This would be known as treeness envy.
• A Christmas tree doesn't go completely to pieces if you mishandle its balls.
• You don't have to worry about who else has had your tree.
• A Christmas tree doesn't worry about how many others you've had.
• A Christmas tree doesn't object to exotic electrical appliances.
• A Christmas tree doesn't think your a whacko if it finds an artificial tree in your closet.
• The tree doesn't get upset when you tie it up and put it in the trunk to take it home.

Why Christmas Trees are better than women:

• Your Christmas Tree never makes fun of you for having another fake one in the closet.
• You never have to sit there and wait 20-minutes while you Christmas Tree finishes getting ready for the big company Christmas Party!
• You pick out your Christmas Trees by groping them all over and feeling around the base.
• How may times have you heard a Christmas Tree complain that all you do on Sunday is lie-around all day, watching football, and drinking beer.
• When you've had enough of your Christmas Tree, all you have to do is drag it out in to the woods, or toss it on the curb to have it hauled away.
• Your Christmas Tree never orders the lobster brisk and champaign. All it wants is water!
• It doesn't matter what a Christmas Tree wears, they always look fat in it! (So the hell cares?)
• Your Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas Trees you've had in the pat. (Big added bonus)
• Unlike women -- Christmas Trees cannot run away when they first spot my face.